Welcome to my life! Crazy and stressful and beautiful.
Growing up, life was not necessarily the easiest. From a young age, my parents were divorced. My dad struggled with alcohol and was gone most of our childhood. After the divorce, my mom had to work full time to support us. My younger sister and I became latchkey kids. We lived in a small town in southern Indiana, which was a close to Mayberry as you can get. I have no doubt my mom enlisted the neighbors to keep an eye for us, but we were pretty much independent by the end of middle school.
We grew up in the Catholic church. Went to school at a Catholic school. Lived in a community that was largely Catholic friends. I was surrounded by “religion” my whole childhood, but I never fully understood all of the beautiful ceremonious processes.
Something was missing. God was missing.
After my parents’ divorce, we stopped going to church for the most part. We were occasional visitors to my grandparent’s Methodist church. While I felt more connected to the people of that church, I still felt like something BIG was missing.
It wasn’t until my early twenties, after a bad breakup, and the death of my grandmother, I started to realize how much I was missing out. By then, I was working, going to school, drinking, and would start again the next day. I’d even show up to my grandparent’s church a few hours after getting home from the bar with the stench of the bar still in my hair. I swear to this day, Pastor Claude, was staring right at me through some of his sermons as I was trying to stay awake.
Then I met my husband. We knew early on that “church” needed to be part of our ceremony and that we should try to go every once in a while. Our wedding song was “Broken Road” by the Rascall Flats. We both had very broken roads full of cracks..well, more like giant sinkholes.
As we prepared for our wedding, we started visiting churches. After a visit to 3-4 places, we stepped in our future church home. We both knew after the first service that this would be the place we would be married.
Within a couple of weeks, we were introduced to our marriage mentor couple. I still recall showing up nervous because they were all “religious-y” and we were so NOT. We were not only welcomed into their beautiful home and their beautiful family but also into what was the first step into our life with Christ, even though we didn’t know it at the time.
Fast forward a year later, we were married with a child on the way and joining a small group for married couples and attending church every Sunday. We had found our church home, all-inclusive with an incredible church family.
This is usually where the story might feel like it’s supposed to turn. It actually doesn’t. We continued to grow in our faith and learn more about becoming (or being) a child of God.
Even still, something was missing. I wasn’t being a great Christian. I believed in Christ, but I wasn’t connecting with Him personally. And, I didn’t feel Him connecting with me. Maybe it was my ‘daddy’ issues of being left or something, I don’t know. But there was a wall that I built with precision, so I wouldn’t be hurt.
There You Are
Over several years of what felt like snail speed growth in my faith walk, I finally met Him, almost what seems like for the first time. It’s hard to put into words accurately.
In a very raw moment, I heard Him. It wasn’t so much auditory, as it was a peace and feeling of the words, “I’ve got this” that flooded every part of me. Thinking back to the moment, it wasn’t like getting a call from an old friend, but more like a hug from the person that has loved me more than I ever knew my whole life. The warmth of that moment is beautifully ingrained in my brain.
That moment was only hours after we found out my nine-year-old son had been diagnosed with stage IV Rhabdomyosarcoma (soft tissue) and it had spread..everywhere.
And instead of being angry at this horrific moment, I felt overwhelming peace. I felt God literally had us (and Cooper) in His hands. From then on, I realized I wanted to know Him more than ever.
It was the drive home when I realized He had been with me my whole life. Waiting, listening, ready for me to want Him. To NEED Him.
In the following days, not only did my NEED for God continue to grow, but I quickly learned how important prayer was for me to fully connect with Him. And if I wasn’t hearing Him, then I was looking to His Word to give me the solace I needed at the moment. It was His way of speaking to me when I couldn’t hear Him.
I cannot tell you how many times I would open my Bible app, read a devotion, or just open the Bible, only to land on a verse that spoke to me loud and clear. Reassuring me that I knew He was (is) with me always.
Over the last two years, my son and family have continued the childhood cancer fight. Our family has continued to walk through tough times including relapse and being back in treatment. But I continue to know God has a plan for Cooper, our family, and myself.
In reading through this site, you have joined in part of the plan Christ has had for me in sharing our journey with others.
Praising His Name!
