Your story may be very different. The important thing is to ensure they are covered in love and prayer and are reminded often they are not forgotten and they are fully loved. This may be for siblings or another important member of the family. Here are a few ways you can continue to support either your children with a sibling going through a major life situation.
DAILY family devotions.
We did the Jesus Calling for Kids devotion. We used every method of technology possible, including FaceTime, to read through the devotion and discuss how it was applying to us for the day. Having the time focused on God and prayer kept us connected every day in His word.
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Cover them in prayer
All the time. Every member of the family goes through this journey with a different lens. They each have their own story to tell from it. It is the hardest time of their lives, in addition to their brother/sister who is in treatment. Pray boldly for them, multiple times a day. Pray for those supporting them while you are in survival mode.
Seek assistance from your child’s friends’ families
We were blessed to have a school that surrounded my son while his brother was in treatment. The families of these friends became his biggest cheerleaders and our closest friends. They showed up to his basketball games and took him out bowling and to dinner and other fun activities. These friends completely surrounded him and they prayed fiercely for him every day. When a tragedy happens to a family, people want to help but are never sure how to help. This is a great opportunity for them to truly lift the siblings up, in addition to the whole family. Ask specifically for help! Friends are on the sidelines waiting for their marching orders in how they can contribute!Talk about the cancer and let them feel
This journey creates so many emotions. Let them feel them. They span the whole spectrum and can be very extreme. Trying to understand what is happening is impossible for adults, much less for our smaller ones. In our story, we were very upfront with both boys. We discussed the prognosis with them and that the doctors had given us 10% chance of survival of a year for Cooper. (I still can’t write this without tears flowing). BUT, we also shared that God had a plan for Cooper AND Eli and our family. We chose to have faith that survival was his story. We needed for them both to fully understand the enormity of this journey and Cooper’s story may not be what we want, but God would use us.
Involve them in the treatment when possible
We were blessed to be accepted into St. Jude for treatment. And one thing they are incredible at doing, aside from saving children’s lives, is supporting the siblings. There were always events happening for the kids that the siblings were always welcome to join. Eli, my older son, loved being involved in the activities, especially if it was while Cooper was in chemo, which required a lot of downtime.Gaming systems where the siblings can connect
We are not a gaming family. Never have been. But we were gifted two Nintendo Switches and the boys could play together, even when they where separated by 300 miles. They also played a LOT of Minecraft together.Enroll them in sibling support groups
Organizations such as Super Sibs through Alex’s Lemonade Stand, is specifically designed to support the siblings of patients going through cancer.
Find routine for the sibling
One of the most important things to keep Eli sane (and myself) was to find a routine that fit him. Knowing what to expect every day was important for him to stay focused at school. Although, focus became a struggle for him anyway, having a routine that focused around him and his needs helped him to manage the stress of missing his family.Seek counseling
We felt it was important for Eli to have an additional outlet that supported Eli’s feelings. Because on top of missing his brother, mom and dad, he was heading into pre-teen years. So..needless to day, lots of ups and downs. Way too much for him to navigate on his own. We used a counselor we were familiar with and offered play therapy, which allowed him to still have moments to be a kid.Support their hobbies
For Eli, this was basketball. He remained on the basketball team and we made it work to where one of us, his dad or myself, where home for every game. And once we had Cooper well into treatment, we ended up splitting our time. I stayed home with Eli and worked, while my husband had resigned from his job to stay with Cooper. Then we would switch every couple of weeks. I felt it was important for Eli to have at least 30 minutes every day after school for he and I to play basketball. Just to give him a moment to release the stress from the day. Shooting hoops with him, allowed for me us to share some laughs (because I may be the world’s worst basketball player) and connect.Speak with teachers at school and set them up for success
In our story, my son’s teachers were amazing. They supported him in every way possible. He spent a LOT of time doing homework in the car as we drove back and forth from Memphis on Fridays and Sundays. There was a LOT of home work forgotten about and/or missed. His teachers showed so much grace and allowed for him extra time for home to be turned in knowing he was really struggling. Ask for the help you need from educators.Help them find one blessing every day
With the weight of the world on their shoulders, help them to find a blessing in their day, every day. Help them to see a light, a positive moment, even in the darkest days. Trust me, this is just as much for you as it is for them. I pray that this post provides some simple, easy ways to support the siblings going through their own tough journey in trying to understand and cope with having a brother or sister with cancer. I pray for peace healing over your family.Heavenly Father, You are great in all things. You have designed us in our mother’s womb, knitting us together with your endless love. We thank you for giving us a family where You are in the center and through You, we can do anything. Lord, we lift our children up to you today, especially our special kiddos that are living with through their brother/sister’s illness. Lord, this journey is one full of real and very hard moments for each of us, but especially them. Please fill their hearts with overwhelming peace and a day with smiles. Cover them with Your supernatural protection from the enemy. We know when we are in our weakest moments that the enemy is looking for his way. Defeat him for my child! Show my child Your presence today in an way that they see and feel it and know YOU are right there with them through this trial. Lord, we know not your plans for us, but help us to bring glory to You through this journey. We are forever yours. Amen.
