Self Care.
The definition of “self care” is the care for oneself.
But, as a mom, a caretaker, a full time employee, a wife, a daughter; self care becomes the last priority on your list. We tell ourselves that everyone and everything else comes before ourselves. And as time goes on and on, it becomes a way of life. For many, myself included, this even includes my time with God.
Many times when I’ve done something for myself, and I felt guilty about it the whole time. I was robbed of it actually improving my mental state.
If you are reading this and your story includes a life consuming situation, especially with your spouse or child, the guilt factor multiples by about 1000x.
Am I right??
For me, it was after my child was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, Rhabdomayosarcoma. We immediately went into 67 weeks of treatment for my son and are continuing to fight two years later (at the time of this post). To read our full childhood cancer story, click here.
Needless to say, the shock never really wears off. And whether it is childhood cancer, or caring for your elderly parents, or you have a child with extraordinary needs or life is just plain hard, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can care for everyone else.
It took probably six months before I realized that I HAD to start introducing some methods of self care. I was working full time, driving back and forth from Memphis every week, watching my 9 year old fight for his life, keep my oldest son’s life as normal as possible, while financially supporting our family while my husband stayed with my younger son in Memphis, at St. Jude.
“Tired” couldn’t even begin to describe where I was mentally. It was closer to exhausted, depressed, foggy, sleepy, and 20 other extreme emotions..all at one time!
Stress is stress, no matter the situation. It’s how we handle it that makes the difference.
How I Cared For Myself
While my journey may seem intense, no doubt your journey is not pain free. No one’s is. We were never promised a pain-free, easy life here on Earth. But, we don’t need to carry our burdens alone either. Several weeks into my son’s treatment, it was clear how quickly burn out could/would happen if I didn’t start taking a few steps to protect emotional/mental well being and started finding little ways to lighten the weight on my shoulders.
One of my biggest struggles has always been my confidence level, especially if I’m super stressed. When life started throwing some serious curve balls, I started listening to the enemy’s lies about myself, my ability to be a good wife, mother, leader, and coworker. The spiral into listening to his lies continued to get the better of me, until I started seeing a christian counselor. Her first question to me was, “What do you do to take care of yourself?.” I had no answer. (BTW, massages every few months, does NOT count unless they are every week!)
Just a few ways that I gave myself some grace are listed below:
- Time with God – start and end your day with your Creator
- Being grateful in all things
- Met with a christian counselor (HUGE WIN!)
- Reaching out to friends (don’t wait for them to reach out to you!)
- Writing/Sharing our story with others
- Observing God’s hand on everything
- Routine (Getting up, showering, getting ready for the day, etc)
- Talking with friends/meeting for coffee
- Taking extra long showers or a hot bath with a face mask and worship music blaring
- Take out for dinner (forget the dishes!)
It broke my heart to realize I was missing the fact that I’m a child of God. This was my first step in self care. It was time I started owning my title with Him first.
To be the child God intended, I needed to put on my oxygen mask.
How? When?
Time was not on my side, I literally had none or so I thought.
I decided to set some time aside for myself.. and NOT feel guilty about it. Let me repeat that.. DAILY GUILT FREE ME-TIME IS NECESSARY!
Start the day with Jesus
The first moments of the day can determine what the rest of your day will look and feel like. While we were going through my son’s treatment, I intentionally started my day with a devotional or prayer. Some mornings, it was a plea. Other mornings, I asked for Him to show me his presence in everything throughout the day. And, thus, I started seeing God “winks” to remind me that He was right beside each of us.
Find a Routine
After my morning dose of Jesus, I found that a routine of getting up, getting a shower, washing my face, and getting dressed helped me to focus on what needed to get done for the day.
A big part of my routine involved cleaning up my skin. My blemished, exhausted skin was my biggest cause for insecurity and that was something I could control. It was a true reflection of how I felt on the inside.
I had found a skincare line that actually worked for my acne. This will be my only shameless plug because the products are high quality and they addressed my worst skin problem, adult acne. You can read more about it here or visit my site and check it out. At first the price left me second guessing, but with the 60 day guarantee, I decided it was an investment. I decided I was worth the investment and it didn’t require much time. My skin is the first thing another person sees when speaking to me and the blemishes were distracting. Within a couple of weeks, the blemishes were all but gone.
Be grateful in all things
There are days where this one is all but impossible. BUT, I promise, if you can find even one thing to be grateful about and slowly alter your perspective, it will make all the difference in how you react. You will find more patience and kindness in yourself.
Find a counselor and go to the sessions
Game. Changer.
This self care is true self care. I was blessed to have a christian counselor’s name given to me. Talk about a God ‘wink’. She has helped me grow in my faith, deal with past hurts, work through my emotions with my son’s cancer battle, improved my self confidence, etc. But here’s the thing, you gotta go and you gotta do the work. You cannot fully take care of yourself without some guidance at times. That is where a great counselor comes in, their job isn’t to fix you. Their job is to help guide you through the blows that life throws at you. But, it’s up to you to do the work. It is so worth it! YOU are so worth it!
Reaching Out
Isolation. It’s dark. It’s scary. And sometimes I need it like a security blanket. When life is being a pain and things are falling apart and you fee like you have no control over anything, that is when the enemy finds the best ways to keep you in that place. You see, the enemy can seperate you and start spinning your thoughts, that is when he is jumping for joy. This is where you need to take control. Control over your thoughts and redirect them to God. Find a scripture that works for you to recite when the thoughts start spiraling. Reach out to a friend, don’t wait for them to reach out to you.
I recently had a really rough week after I hadn’t seen my son for almost seven weeks due to the COVID breakout. He was in treatment and his dad was with him. They were very precautious with limited caretakers, so we had not switched out yet. It had been seven weeks since seeing Cooper. Even with incredible technology, it wasn’t enough. It took one friend, “randomly” calling to speak song lyrics over me that repeated “He is for us.”. It is repeated 20 times in the song “The Blessing” by Keri Jobe. Call a friend that can lift you up or call a friend that may need lifting up. You will be blessed either way.
Get Outside
Whether it is to go for a walk, work in the yard, or just to observe the stars, get outside for a bit. Enjoy the crisp air in the winter or smelling the flowers in the spring. Take in God’s beauty that he designed in nature. Not close to nature? Go for a drive out in the country (easy for me to say, I’m in Southern Indiana), I’m surrounded by nature. If you are in the middle of the city, take a moment to observe the people strolling by or the beautiful architecture surrounding you. Taking a moment to refocus your mind on something not of yourself will give you a moment of peace.
Self care was not even a concept to me until a couple of years ago. All I knew was I was falling apart and felt out of control. In taking a few of these steps every day, I grew in my relationship with Christ and started to see myself in a whole new LOVING way.
You are first a child of God and you are so LOVED. And you are worth the investment of time in yourself.
Blessings
